“Miketsukami?” he looked down at his lover with concern. He had not realized that he too was feeling like he was going to be abandon. Sebastian held his lover’s face in his hands and looked him straight in his bi-colored eyes—his heart melting by the lovely face his lover had. “I will never do that Miketsukami. You will always wake up with me right beside you. I will never abandon you. I cannot function without you beside me.” He smiled gently and wiped away his lover’s tears. He reached down and took Miketsukami’s wandering hands and held them to his face. “You see?” He slowly guided them down his neck to his chest. “I am right in front of you. I will not disappear.” He made Miketsuami hug his torso. “I would not mind such a thing. After all I desire the same thing. I am just as equally possessive. Miketsukami, you are mine and mine alone. The only person I shall share with you is our child, but you still belong to me, just as I belong only to you.”
The feeling of Sebastian’s naked and perfectly chiseled chest beneath his roaming hands reassured him that he was indeed there, obviously, in corporeal form. But would he be there with Miketsukami forever? The lingering doubts he had wouldn’t leave him in peace and all the faces of the ‘lovers’ he had in the past came resurfacing. He didn’t want to be left in the dark anymore. He could feel Sebastian’s bump against his stomach and it immediately settled his raging nerves. His throat felt a little constricted and the crying caused his mouth to water and his saliva to thicken. “My need for you is stronger than my need for air. Every waking moment my eyes can’t see you or you’re out of my reach feels like the day I’ll die of loneliness. I can’t even begin to entertain the thought of anyone, man, woman or child gazing at you on the streets or at the grocery store and I’m just…so overcome with jealousy! Sebastian, what I feel for you isn’t healthy and I worry that I’ll do something in the near future that I’ll regret…”
“Come now,” he smiled at Miketsukami’s teary face. He could see he was holding in so much more. He kissed the tear that slowly rolled down his cheek. He looked at his boyfriend’s face and smiled lovingly at him. “You really are too good for me Miketsukami.” he could feel his own eyes well up with tears. His chest tightened, but not with sadness but with overwhelming happiness. “I know you do, and I shall never forget that.” he kissed his lover again, lingering a bit this time before pulling away. “Is there anything you wish to tell me? I feel as though I have been selfish with my confessions.” he laughed softly and wrapped his arms around Miketsukami’s shoulders.
This was probably the first time Miketsukami let everything out like this. He was so desperate to keep Sebastian with him that tears came pouring down his face. Partly because he was happy that things were working out so well for them. “You are too good for me, Sebastian. Before I even met you, all I did with my life was bed every attractive male I saw at clubs and by the time I woke up the next morning, I’d be alone. I just don’t want to feel that again and I can’t bear the thought of not having you with me anymore.” His arms began to crush Sebastian’s body against him, scared he’d suddenly disappear any moment. “I’m so obsessed with you, Sebastian. If I could have it my way, I’d strap you to my bed and lock you in this room and never let you leave. I can’t even stand the idea of anyone else but me looking at you or touching you.” By now, he was frantically running his hands all over Sebastian’s body, running his fingers through his hair nuzzling his face in the crook of his lovers’ neck.
Sebastian flinched as his lover sat up. He couldn’t help but half expect Miketsukami to kick him out for his whinny display of concern, and half expected him to yell at him for thinking about such idiotic things and for not trusting him. But, as always, his fears and doubts melted away as his lover hel him in his arms and cradled him. His heart pounded in his chest as he waited for Miketsukami’s response. Sebastian couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief, but then pain lightly struck him. He knew that his words stung Miketsukami and he hated himself for it. He listened to his lover, eyes widening a bit. Sebastian sat up and straddled Miketsukami’s hips and held his lover’s face in his hands with care. Miketsukami understood his pain, they were both creatures with same wounds and, in a way, they both licked each other’s wounds. Sebastian lowered his face down and kissed Miketsukami’s lips passionately, pouring in all the love he could muster. “I love you, Miketsukami. Only you. I could never leave you.” He took his lover’s hand and kissed the palm of it, then the middle, then each finger, then down to his wrist. “Be overprotective and selfish with me. I want to see just how much you love me. Just as I will do the same and be honest with you. It will take time for these fears to fully disappear, but to let you know, everyday I spend with you my heart heals itself from past pains. You are the only one that can I can ever love. Well…no… That is a lie…” He placed his hand over his stomach. “There is another I will love just as equally.” He smiled and kissed Miketsukami’s lips. “I am sorry if my words hurt you, that was not my intention. I just wished to be more honest with you.”
Miketsukami was a little surprised to see Sebastian mounting him and straddling his hips but he was nevertheless happy to feel their naked torsos against each other. He sighed in content to feel his lover’s still abused lips against his own. Perhaps he’d have to tone that down too. He had to hold back all the tears that threatened to fall over like a waterfall if he didn’t keep things together. Hearing such a love confession from Sebastian was enough to send him crying like a baby after birth. “I love you too.” A tear rolled out of the corner of his eye. “And I’ll give you all the time in the world to figure things out if you need them.” He knew his boyfriend’s love would have to be shared and he would have to grow used to it. But then again, it was their child who’d be stealing a bit of love. “Your words could never hurt me, Sebastian. I really do love you and please don’t ever doubt that.”
善福寺川緑地 sakura 090404_28 (by ajari)
“Oh…” he sighed at the memory. “Forgive me…I just seem to be unable to get use to this…be loved and wanted.” Sebastian lifted his hand to Miketsukami’s that held his face. He squeezed it gently and trembled a bit, worried about revealing his inner thoughts to his lover. But he trusted Miketsukami and he loved him, and that is what gave him courage to tell him his thoughts. “…I have never held onto a lover—and I have never been in love. I have always been dumped or left behind because I can be a bit, well, needy and dominearing. And now…I fear that one day you will leave me as well…But I love you and I trust you, I do, Miketsukami. I hate having this fear…I’m sorry…” he shut his eyes tight and waited for Miketsukami to comment on his confession.
Miketsukami just sat and listened to Sebastian as he spilled his heart out to him and couldn’t help his heartstrings tugging at his chest and a sudden…well, not burden, but sadness overcome him and weigh on his shoulders, as if something were his fault. But he knew where these fears were coming from; once upon a time, he, too, went through them. He sat up in bed and pulled Sebastian against him and began to stroke his cheek while looking into his eyes.
"Sebastian, you have absolutely no need to fear me leaving you because that’s never going to happen. Trust me when I say, I understand where your fears are rooting from. Being left so many times has dented your heart and has, to an extent, probably decreased the amount of trust you can put into people.” He took a deep breath before he continued. “Yes, you have needs and fetishes that not everyone will understand but we all have different traits that some people just downright refuse to accept. Please don’t make that seem like it’s your fault when it’s not.” He hesitated with this next part but he wanted to get it out. “In all honesty, I’m happy that, whoever you last dated, left you because I wouldn’t have met you in that club that night. We wouldn’t have felt the love we have for each other if we hadn’t met…we wouldn’t have made a family together either,” he whispered against the crook of his neck as his hand rubbed his lovers’ bulging belly. “I love you, Sebastian. I can’t tell you to stop fearing this because that’s on you, but I will help you through it. I’ll tell you ‘I love you’ everyday, I’ll remind you that I’ll always be here for you, just….” he sighed out shakily, “I don’t want you to leave me because I’m being overprotective or because our nights of passion together are too overwhelming.”
Sebastian followed Miketsukami into the bedroom. He sighed lightly at the sudden coolness out of the bathroom. He followed his boyfriend’s lead and slipped into his pajama’s, of course leaving the shirt off. He was starting to get use to not wearing a shirt now, and he never complained about it. In fact he loved to embrace his lover while they slept in bed and feel his skin and warmth directly. Plus, it was always easy for him to tease his lover whenever he wanted.
He crawled into the bed and into Miketsukami’s arms. He kissed his lips lovingly and wrapped his arms around his torsoe. “Miketsukami you’re so warm.” he mused and snuggled closer to his lover for warmth. He breathed in the scent of his lover and smiled to himself.
Miketsukami eagerly pulled Sebastian in bed, reveling in the warmth of their skin contact, even though they both just had a rather warm shower. His arm wraps around Sebastian’s waist while the other caresses his cheek. “You seemed to be a little distracted after our love-making today. I wouldn’t press it usually but you looked a little upset and it worried me. Are you alright?”
May I help you?: A bright, Saturday afternoon found Miketsukami relaxing against one of…
A bright, Saturday afternoon found Miketsukami relaxing against one of the recliner chairs on his balcony, enjoying the spring breeze in the 68 degree weather. He held a book with both hands, laying it on his bulging stomach of three months. Being pregnant with a child wasn’t exactly the easiest…
Kagerou had already slipped back into the building, he had already seen everyone and passed out the gifts, except for his boyfriend’s whose present is perfectly wrapped in his hands as he ran down the hall, thinking his love was with his betrothed. He saw Natsume and shouted about an orgy party in a few minutes.
He could suddenly hear shouts in the hallway and he groaned as he peace and quiet was interrupted. What could they be shouting about at this time of day? Sighing, he got up, put his book down, wobbled over to his door. Walking with this big weight on his stomach was such a pain in his ass and though he was excited about this new family, there were so many downsides. He opened to the door and immediately felt his heart leap to his throat when he saw Kagerou in the hallway.